Tag: Problem Solving

Posted in Mental Health, Psychology, Self Help

How to prioritize more efficiently

Posted on by Bob Zima

Many of us believe that the key to good mental wellness is having the psychological fitness skill of being able to prioritize. And I agree. Having the skill set of being able to prioritize creates a sense of balance. Balance create stability. Stability reduces anxiety and depression and increases and uplift our sense of confidence leading to improved overall mental wellness.

One of the reasons people struggle finding stability and security when attempting to prioritize is it they have the wrong orientation. Most people think of prioritization as a totem pole, a ranking, a hierarchy. Prioritization isn’t vertical. It’s horizontal. Being able to prioritize and create balance isn’t about ranking things top to bottom or bottom to top it’s about rotating that access 90 degrees and finding a horizontal balance.

In order to find stability and balance we must first understand that prioritization isn’t about agreeing that my job is more important than my marriage or that my kids are more important than my job or that my self-care is more important than my kids and my marriage but not more important than my job.

Prioritization isn’t about ranking. It’s about finding balance. Balance comes when we are able to recognize that our job, kids, marriage and self-care are all important.

Prioritization is about finding the right portion sizes so that we create balance in our world. Portion sizes may change outside of our control yet we have the control then to adjust the portion sizes to other key areas of our lives in an effort to create ballet. It’s all about creating balance. It’s all about adjusting the portion sizes for the purpose of creating balance.

As an example, if I have a big project due at work then the portion of time I dedicate to work may need to increase. This means then that portions that I devote to my family, my self-care, my friends, my hobbies, my marriage, and so on may need to be decreased in order to create balance. Being an active alchemist by deciding on the portion sizes brings about a sense of control. I’m deciding, then sometimes negotiating with my partner or my children or my co-workers or my boss or whomever, what portion sizes I believe will lead to proper balance.

If due to an illness one of the children in my family develops now demands more of my attention, obviously the family domain portion will increase requiring me to strategically decrease portions in either my work, marriage, self-care, friends, hobbies, or any other domain that sits on my scale. Again, when I make the decisions on the portion sizes because I believe this will bring about the best balance, I’m in control. And again I may need to negotiate the portion sizes that I’m determining with others for the purpose of ensuring relational health and functioning with others in my life so that my attempts to create balance and stability don’t create tensions in other relationships.

So what’s review, prioritization is horizontal not vertical. It’s about determining the portion size of time, energy and focus that I give to any particular domain. I may need to communicate and negotiate with others so that my prioritization, my portion sizing, doesn’t create tension in other relationships that’s making this whole prioritization exercise futile.

Posted in Mental Health, Psychology, Self Help

Dealing with a Bully

Posted on by Bob Zima

We all have bullies in our lives. We all have those jerks and a-holes who, for some reason, because their life sucks like a vacuum, need to come in and wreak havoc in ours just to make themselves feel good. Loosers.

When dealing with a bully, I encourage people to engage in a two-step coping, problem solving and communication psychological fitness routine known as Empathize then Pivot. This particular skill allows you to maintain a sense of self-esteem, self-advocacy and, at the same time, control the situation not allowing the bully to get away with all of their crap and leave you feeling as though you’re a complete wimp.

The next time someone starts to blame you, shame you, attempt to make you feel guilty, attempt to make you jump through their Fiery Hoops I want you to empathize. Empathizing with someone is a basic and vital psychological fitness skill that helps us communicate to another person our awareness and understanding of their emotional state and why they feel that way. When a bully is blaming or shaming, say to the jerk in your life, “Sounds like that’s very painful.” Or perhaps you might say, “that seems like it would be very frightening.” The goal here for you is to focus on the bully so that you can reflect back the emotion you believe they are genuinely feeling; which b6 the way, is actually fueling their aggressive and often annoying behavior.

Once you have empathized with the bully, pivot. Empathizing with the bully will throw them off their game, bewildering them. You’ll see it written all over their face. Once you have empathized and thrown them off balance now take control of the situation by pivoting the conversation away from their agenda to your agenda or something completely benign such as the weather, sports, politics, or one of my personal favorites, movies.

Once you pivot you have gained control of the conversation. The bully may try to take control back from you by siezing the proverbial Talking Stick. If this occurs do it again, empathize than pivot. And keep in mind that your pivot can also be walking away. Empathize then excuse yourself and walk away.

When you engage this particular psychological fitness skill, you will see your general and overall mental wellness skyrocket. You will feel a sense of confidence and your anxiety will diminish.

Posted in Mental Health, Psychology, Self Help

Getting Negative

Posted on by Bob Zima

I have noticed that I am getting more and more negative in my thinking and also in some actions.

Not sure why. Which not only perplexes me it also pisses me off.

I have become aware that I usually expect the worse outcome when out and about living my life. Case in point. Picture this, a man with his family visiting Las Vegas for the weekend is sitting at a UNLV Rebels football game when he suddenly realizes that the game may go into overtime. The man and his family have tickets for Cirque du Soleil and the time between the game and the performance is shrinking. His mind begins to wonder. He begins to imagine all of the reasons he and his family will not make the show on time. He becomes anxious. He becomes agitated. He no longer is enjoying the game. He can no longer look forward to the performance. He is in the Twilight Zone of anxiety.

The game did not go into overtime. We had plenty of time between the game and the performance. We even stopped at a sports bar and had snacks and drinks before the performance. After the performance and once I returned to my hotel I reflected and noticed that I have been more and more negative in my thinking, anxious emotionally, agitated, verbally abusive, and a pain in the ass from a behavioral point of view.

Something must be going on. Has to be.

But what?

I think, reflect, ponder and look inward. Can’t pinpoint the possible souce of my almost automatic negative view of the world and corresponding emotional and behavioral responses.

Past trauma? Could be. Fear of dreams failing to materialize? Possible. Just a funk? Maybe.

Either way, pain from my past, struggles with an existential reality or just some kind of Uptown funk could all be answers. Key here is that I need to step up my Psychological Fitness skills to manage this new wave of whatever it is until I can get a better handle on it.