I sometimes have issues “Doing Me.” Odd, since I am a cocky, at times arrogant guy, yet I sometimes lack self-confidence. Sometimes I don’t do me I do the me others want me to do. And that sucks. For me that is.
I love this video of a waterfall just being a waterfall; doing what it is that waterfalls do. Not overthinking. Just doing. Nike Therapy: Just Do It.
I have to remind myself from time to time to just be. Just do. Don’t overthink. Feel.
Good reminder for me to come into contact with this waterfall in Zion National Park. Reminds me to get my head out of my ass and just live.
Sure you have. Not a pleasant experience sometimes, keeping you cool that is, yet if you can pull it off, life is so much better than if you lost your cool, went all ape shit or ‘Will Smith’ on someone or something.
Speaking of Will Smith, I am not going to discuss his CHOICES, yes people, he made clear choices, LONG BEFORE the Oscars even started. That is a series of posts. Those choices led to actions which then lead to consequences and we all know the consequence that followed. Suffice to say he planned this little interactions from the moment he learned that Chris Rock would present and was ready to make a statement that was all about himself, his manhood, protecting what was his and being who he wants to be or sees that he is in his mind.
Will did not “Play it Cool” by my definition of “Playing it Cool.” May be he “Played it Cool” according to his own definition, which is all that really matters anyway. My definition guides my actions and his definition guides his actions.
Back to my definition, playing it cool means that when adversity strikes, I am able to cope (manage emotions) though effective and health problem solving (cognitive) skills which leads to behaviors (actions) that help ME obtain what I WANT in that moment.
Playing it cool means that you, through the manner in which you interpret and evaluate the adversity entering your life, are able to manage your emotional volatility so that you can work the problem, find a resolution, if needed, collaborate with others to find a solution that has consensus and continue to feed health and efficacy into your relationships. In short, you keeping your cool, deal with the bullshit of life moment and keep you friends, partner, job, and so on.
That’s a tall order.
And it’s called being an adult-human. It’s what us humans do to survive and thrive. We advocate, collaborate and then negotiate for the purpose be socially manage and enjoy our lives all while keeping our cool.
Sometimes, we can feel a little bit prickly. You know what I mean.
We can feel a bit agitated.
A bit frustrated!
A bit annoyed.
That’s OK. It’s natural.
However, your actions, you know the behaviors you leverage to express your prickliness are ON YOU.
Yep, you are RESPONSIBLE for the manner in which you vent those frustrations. You are RESPONSIBLE for the manner in which you express your thoughts through your selected behaviors. That’s what being Saguaro Man is all about.
So, be prickly. Be frustrated. Be human. Just make sure you take responsibility.
Have you ever noticed how some parts of a journey are more exciting than others?
Sometimes the scenery, traffic and “excitement” gets really interesting and/or mind blowing while other times the scenery and the world around us gets, well, boring. Dull. Unbearable.
That is the way life is. Right?
Sometimes we experience exciting and adventurous parts of our journey during which our imagination is captivated and the spark of inspiration strikes. We seem ‘more motivated’ and better equipped to deal with the bullshit of life.
And other times, well, we fear painful death of boredom tracked by a thousand grains of sand slowly slipping through an endless hourglass. The dentist’s office perhaps is such a destination on life’s journey where this has occurred for you? Or an airport terminal.
So what do we do about that?
Can we do anything about it?
Do we have control over the fun, the adventure and the dry and the boring? Can we just think out way our of boredom and grueling dullness?
I like to think that I can do.
And I know that I have control over how I respond to gruelingly dull and how I tolerate boredom. And maybe that is the focus. Not adventure versus boring rather how I choose to respond when one or the other is present in my life.
Maybe adventure and boring are states of being driven by my ability to manage the manner in which I look at and accept the world around me.
When we discuss things like self-concept, coping, problem solving and so on, basically any psychological fitness skill, in this format of a blog, I present things in a linear fashion. However, life is not linear. Life is processed. Life is twists and turns and back and forth and switchbacks and so on and so forth.
The process below takes you through a cascading series of cognitions and emotional reactions and behavioral responses when we evaluate ourselves. Remember self-concept is that intrinsic voice of ours that evaluates and critiques our every move.
When we act or behave, we evaluate our skills.
I am a horrible communicator.
I can problem solve better than anyone else.
I can’t cope very well because I drink and isolate from people.
As we evaluate our skills, we trigger a belief we hold about ourselves.
I am a horrible communicatorso I am weak or dumb.
I can problem solve better than anyone else so I am simply awesome.
I can’t cope very well because I drink and isolate from people so I am a big time loser.
As we trigger beliefs by evaluating our skills, AUTOMATIC emotional states arise.
I am a horrible communicatorso I am weak or dumb and I feel sad.
I can problem solve better than anyone else so I am simply awesome and I feel happy.
I can’t cope very well because I drink and isolate from people so I am a big time loser and I feel hurt and afraid.
As we trigger beliefs by evaluating our skills, AUTOMATIC emotional states arise. which are expressed through behaviors.
I am a horrible communicatorso I am weak or dumb and I feel sad then I isolate and avoid making connections or enhancing the ones I have now.
I can problem solve better than anyone else so I am simply awesome and I feel happy then I dance and sing.
I can’t cope very well because I drink and isolate from people so I am a big time loser and I feel hurt and afraid and I drink and isolate even more or yell at my dog.
We are creatures of habit and often engage with the world in a pattered manner. We can get stuck in the patterns if we are unaware that they exist. Once the behavioral patterns are “automatic” so are the evaluations and emotional responses to those evaluations. This can become a nasty cycle.
as a point of reference to demonstrate that we engage in patterned behaviors. When the pattern becomes so entrenched, our behaviors may seem almost “automatic” and “outside of our control. In addition, the belief is also automatic, as is the evaluation.