Posted in Mental Health, Psychology, Self Help

Do You

You know that phrase, “You, Do You”?

Do you? Do You?

I don’t

I sure try.

I sometimes have issues “Doing Me.” Odd, since I am a cocky, at times arrogant guy, yet I sometimes lack self-confidence. Sometimes I don’t do me I do the me others want me to do. And that sucks. For me that is.

I love this video of a waterfall just being a waterfall; doing what it is that waterfalls do. Not overthinking. Just doing. Nike Therapy: Just Do It.

Waterfall Doing What a Waterfall Does

I have to remind myself from time to time to just be. Just do. Don’t overthink. Feel.

Good reminder for me to come into contact with this waterfall in Zion National Park. Reminds me to get my head out of my ass and just live.

Posted in Mental Health, Psychology, Self Help

Keepin’ Your Cool

Ever need to just keep your cool?

Sure you have. Not a pleasant experience sometimes, keeping you cool that is, yet if you can pull it off, life is so much better than if you lost your cool, went all ape shit or ‘Will Smith’ on someone or something.

Speaking of Will Smith, I am not going to discuss his CHOICES, yes people, he made clear choices, LONG BEFORE the Oscars even started. That is a series of posts. Those choices led to actions which then lead to consequences and we all know the consequence that followed. Suffice to say he planned this little interactions from the moment he learned that Chris Rock would present and was ready to make a statement that was all about himself, his manhood, protecting what was his and being who he wants to be or sees that he is in his mind.

Will did not “Play it Cool” by my definition of “Playing it Cool.” May be he “Played it Cool” according to his own definition, which is all that really matters anyway. My definition guides my actions and his definition guides his actions.

Back to my definition, playing it cool means that when adversity strikes, I am able to cope (manage emotions) though effective and health problem solving (cognitive) skills which leads to behaviors (actions) that help ME obtain what I WANT in that moment.

Playing it cool means that you, through the manner in which you interpret and evaluate the adversity entering your life, are able to manage your emotional volatility so that you can work the problem, find a resolution, if needed, collaborate with others to find a solution that has consensus and continue to feed health and efficacy into your relationships. In short, you keeping your cool, deal with the bullshit of life moment and keep you friends, partner, job, and so on.

That’s a tall order.

And it’s called being an adult-human. It’s what us humans do to survive and thrive. We advocate, collaborate and then negotiate for the purpose be socially manage and enjoy our lives all while keeping our cool.

Posted in Mental Health, Psychology, Self Help

THAT Part of My Journey

Have you ever noticed how some parts of a journey are more exciting than others?

Las Vegas Blvd.

Sometimes the scenery, traffic and “excitement” gets really interesting and/or mind blowing while other times the scenery and the world around us gets, well, boring. Dull. Unbearable.

That is the way life is. Right?

Sometimes we experience exciting and adventurous parts of our journey during which our imagination is captivated and the spark of inspiration strikes. We seem ‘more motivated’ and better equipped to deal with the bullshit of life.

And other times, well, we fear painful death of boredom tracked by a thousand grains of sand slowly slipping through an endless hourglass. The dentist’s office perhaps is such a destination on life’s journey where this has occurred for you? Or an airport terminal.

So what do we do about that?

Can we do anything about it?

Do we have control over the fun, the adventure and the dry and the boring? Can we just think out way our of boredom and grueling dullness?

I like to think that I can do.

And I know that I have control over how I respond to gruelingly dull and how I tolerate boredom. And maybe that is the focus. Not adventure versus boring rather how I choose to respond when one or the other is present in my life.

Maybe adventure and boring are states of being driven by my ability to manage the manner in which I look at and accept the world around me.

Posted in Mental Health, Psychology, Self Help

Change of Pace

For the last several weeks I’ve been taking a lot of meetings. Trying to achieve a goal of getting a certain amount of hours completed for the purpose of collecting a bonus. Having goals can be good.

After achieving a goal, after obtaining a certain level or reaching a certain Plateau, I find it’s good to step back and take a break. Sit down. Reflect. Look around. Give yourself a different perspective. Allow the information, data, experience, did you just completed to Suttle. Like a snow globe oh, let the dust settle a little bit before you move on.

So today, after a two-month hard push, I’ve decided to reward Myself by attending a conference. Going to a little continuing education seminar so to speak. Yeah it’s still screen time, but it’s a completely different type of cognitive process. Shifting things up for my brain and my mind is good. It’s good for my mental wellness. It’s good for my overall physical health. It’s good for me.

I didn’t do things like that in the recent past. I had to learn to give myself permission to shift gears, change Focus, give myself a chance to really improve my overall mental Wellness.

Posted in Mental Health, Psychology, Self Help, Story


So I have this tree. Bought the tree a couple of years ago. Was it Home Depot with my wife. After a long Span in our marriage of great loss, death of two children, Financial bankruptcy and homelessness, and clawing our way back simply to Ground Zero, where we were prior to such that bank, took quite a while. Sometimes when I’m out and about I say to my wife today is a just say yesterday. Meaning we give ourselves whatever we want.

On that day, in that Home Depot, I saw a hibiscus tree. I looked at it, I walked around it, and I started to walk away when I heard the sweet and soft voice of my wife say, “Today, Bob, is ‘YES Day'”.

God love her! I picked up the small tree and put it in our basket. We checked out.

For the first several months of its life with us it lived on my back deck. Bathed in sunshine half the day, wrapped in the warmth of a Midwestern summer, the tree flourished. Then Fall came. We brought the tree inside, my wife treated it for some kind of insect-infestation and then slowly all of the leaves fell off of the damn thing. It had a true Charlie Brown moment.

I found that the following summer I would bring it back. And so in late spring and early summer of last year, I reported it and put it once again on the deck. It was once again bathed in sunshine and wrapped in the warm and sometimes human blanket of a Midwest summer.

It flourished! It flowered. All the leaves came back. Then Fall came but again. What did happen again? What that other shoe drop? Would like so many things in my life I’d have to go through a second set back after working so hard to re-establish, recalibrate, rebuild? I truly detest these moments in life when you have to once again risk everything you have worked for, Hope for, wanted and more.

The tree has been inside since the fall and as we enter early spring I can say, and as the picture shows, the tree is flourishing! It is grown, maintained its leaves, it has truly bounced back. Which gave me cause for pause to ask myself have I done the same?

Being the cynical son of a bitch that I am I sometimes wonder, “Have I?” Have I truly grown? Have I truly overcome, persevered, developed character, develop strength? Have I grown?

Being fair, balanced, making sure that I don’t intentionally beat the shit out of myself because it feels good, I say yes I have and there’s a long way yet to go. That’s the way it is for many of us. The road to Healing is long. It can be difficult. It can be arduous. But it can be glorious. It can be full of moments when we grow. The question is do you continue on the road when things get tough or do you stop?