For the last several weeks I’ve been taking a lot of meetings. Trying to achieve a goal of getting a certain amount of hours completed for the purpose of collecting a bonus. Having goals can be good.
After achieving a goal, after obtaining a certain level or reaching a certain Plateau, I find it’s good to step back and take a break. Sit down. Reflect. Look around. Give yourself a different perspective. Allow the information, data, experience, did you just completed to Suttle. Like a snow globe oh, let the dust settle a little bit before you move on.
So today, after a two-month hard push, I’ve decided to reward Myself by attending a conference. Going to a little continuing education seminar so to speak. Yeah it’s still screen time, but it’s a completely different type of cognitive process. Shifting things up for my brain and my mind is good. It’s good for my mental wellness. It’s good for my overall physical health. It’s good for me.
I didn’t do things like that in the recent past. I had to learn to give myself permission to shift gears, change Focus, give myself a chance to really improve my overall mental Wellness.
So I have this tree. Bought the tree a couple of years ago. Was it Home Depot with my wife. After a long Span in our marriage of great loss, death of two children, Financial bankruptcy and homelessness, and clawing our way back simply to Ground Zero, where we were prior to such that bank, took quite a while. Sometimes when I’m out and about I say to my wife today is a just say yesterday. Meaning we give ourselves whatever we want.
On that day, in that Home Depot, I saw a hibiscus tree. I looked at it, I walked around it, and I started to walk away when I heard the sweet and soft voice of my wife say, “Today, Bob, is ‘YES Day'”.
God love her! I picked up the small tree and put it in our basket. We checked out.
For the first several months of its life with us it lived on my back deck. Bathed in sunshine half the day, wrapped in the warmth of a Midwestern summer, the tree flourished. Then Fall came. We brought the tree inside, my wife treated it for some kind of insect-infestation and then slowly all of the leaves fell off of the damn thing. It had a true Charlie Brown moment.
I found that the following summer I would bring it back. And so in late spring and early summer of last year, I reported it and put it once again on the deck. It was once again bathed in sunshine and wrapped in the warm and sometimes human blanket of a Midwest summer.
It flourished! It flowered. All the leaves came back. Then Fall came but again. What did happen again? What that other shoe drop? Would like so many things in my life I’d have to go through a second set back after working so hard to re-establish, recalibrate, rebuild? I truly detest these moments in life when you have to once again risk everything you have worked for, Hope for, wanted and more.
The tree has been inside since the fall and as we enter early spring I can say, and as the picture shows, the tree is flourishing! It is grown, maintained its leaves, it has truly bounced back. Which gave me cause for pause to ask myself have I done the same?
Being the cynical son of a bitch that I am I sometimes wonder, “Have I?” Have I truly grown? Have I truly overcome, persevered, developed character, develop strength? Have I grown?
Being fair, balanced, making sure that I don’t intentionally beat the shit out of myself because it feels good, I say yes I have and there’s a long way yet to go. That’s the way it is for many of us. The road to Healing is long. It can be difficult. It can be arduous. But it can be glorious. It can be full of moments when we grow. The question is do you continue on the road when things get tough or do you stop?