Posted in Mental Health, Psychology, Self Help

Jibe-Ho, Everyone

I may not be a sailor but I do have an unhealthy fetish with pirates.

When it comes to taking risks, trying new things, engaging in new adventures, all in the name of healing, the first thing we need to realize is that risk taking requires a strong sense of self-concept or self-esteem. In other words, we must recognize our own value, believe in abilities, and have faith in the journey and that we will reach our intended destination if we are ever to take risks and change our lives.

When sailors are about to change course or speed, the captain of the ship yells “Jibe-Ho” which indicates to everyone on deck that the boom arm is about to swing across the centerline of the ship for the purpose of either releasing or capturing the wind to increase or decrease speed and possibly to change course. This cautionary shout out warns everyone that a change is coming and, for that change to occur, danger will sweep across the deck. So, if you are not paying attention and/or daydreaming, you may just end up taking a swim or getting a huge headache.

Many people often bitch and moan and throw their hands in the air then declare with vigor that they “don’t have what it takes to roll the dice, go big or go home, or change their lives for the better.” They can’t yell Jibe-Ho. That’s because they’re putting the emphasis on the wrong syllable.

You can not yell Jibe-Ho if you lack the confidence to do so or you lack the ability to chart a course for a sea of change and the port of adaptation. If you lack confidence in your abilities to navigate and improved your life through risk taking you will aimlessly sail the seas accomplishing nothing.

Self-Esteem or Self-Concept is a collection of cognitive skills that relate to our ability to accurately and fairly evaluate what it is that we bring to the table. When we lack self-confidence in our abilities, dreams, and self, we enter the “doldrums“, which is also a pirate term for a geographical location in which there are NO WINDS. No self-concept means you float without direction, purpose and meaning endlessly.

In order to set new courses and yell Jibe-Ho you need to be confident and comfortable with who you are and usually this starts with a set of core beliefs, foundational cognitive structures about who we are, what we stand for, what we deeply desire and how we plan to get our desires and needs met in a way that is healthy and effective.

Core beliefs are the foundational, automatic and powerful cognitions that are triggered as we evaluate ourselves and the outcomes of everyday life situations. When you do not hit our intended target and end up with an outcome you don’t’ desire, do you think you are “stupid” or “an idiot” or “not good enough”? Or do you think, “Well, that’s one way to do it, now let’s try this. I am smart” or “I will get this at some point, I am adaptable and capable”?

Core Beliefs drive self-concept which drives our ability to set boundaries and engage with people, places and things effectively and in healthy ways so that we can take good risks, chart new courses and improve the quality of our life.

Jibe-Ho Everyone!

Posted in Mental Health, Psychology, Self Help

Nothing Lasts Forever

Great sex, a wonderful meal, the best vacation – ever, the intense pain from a child’s death, the desire to drink and drug to cope DO NOT last forever.

All things end. All things stop. All things conclude. All things resolve.

We crazy humans say that good things, like an awesome vacation or dinner date NEVER last forever and that bad things happens ALL OF THE TIME and NEVER END. We humans are so black and white in our thinking sometimes.

Neither of the above and overused cathartic statements uttered by grievers and healers, obviously, is true. In fact, both statements are false. VERY FALSE.

When I am overwhelmed with pain and/or panic, I remind myself that even the greatest of natural storms: hurricanes, tsunamis, tornadoes and so on – eventually die out, stop destroying, run out of energy and end. The sun comes out. Life resumes. Clean-up commences. Healing starts.

Life storms (a.k.a. crises) do the same. They wreak havoc then end. They destroy then move-on and out of our lives. My life storms (addiction, death of children, homelessness) did not last forever. They eventually ended. These storms died out. Then, I came out of my place of safety, surveyed the damage, and started to heal. I began the clean-up process and started to mend what was broken. Even the things I do to heal support groups, AA home groups, my education, jobs, speaking engagements, radio shows DO NOT LAST FOREVER. Life storms and healing are temporary and lead to the next healing adventure and the next adventure after that.

Bob has a ton of videos on YouTube as well.
Posted in Mental Health, Psychology, Self Help

Have a Cheerleader in Your Life

Everyone, and I mean everyone, needs to have a cheerleader in their life!

A Cheerleader: that one individual in your life who truly believes that you can do no wrong; that one person who, no matter what you do, is always supportive, encouraging and in your corner ready to keep you from throwing in the towel.

Healing is a tough business. You are going to get knocked around and down so often you will at times feel as though it is better to stay down and die than to rise and attempt to fight another day. There is nothing more inspiring than someone in your life who truly cheers for you. Waves YOUR freak flag and shouts YOUR name.

A cheerleader does not judge, instruct, give advice or even attempt to do things for you. Nope. The cheerleader encourages with words and random acts of kindness like a cup of coffee when needed or a lunch invitation. They don’t solve your problems or even tell you that you have problems. They simple love: unconditionally. That, my friends, is a rare, rare person and if you are ever so fortunate to have a cheerleader in your life HOLD ON TO THAT PERSON. Then again, a true cheerleader will understand when you are cranky or blast a “grief outburst” in their direction. They don’t care. Because they love you no matter what.

Bob has lots of videos on his YouTube Channel