Welcome to my Heart 2 Heart Series featuring existential reflections of the narratives of my heart stories and those of my children and how these stories impact me, my wife, family & friends. Glad you have joined me on this introspective journey.
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One week and counting. Things are really starting to get real.
Biggest concern I have these days is, “Will the surgery be postponed?”
Imagination is one of the most powerful cognitive processes we humans leverage to helps us make sense of the world and make plans to manage the “Bullshit of Life.” I’m an incredibly imaginative guy. So, you can imagine how many different scenarios I’ve played out in my head as to why I will not have surgery on January 31st.
When I experience “Temptationitis”, my imagination running away with me, life becomes a rollercoaster. Thinking of all of the reasons that the surgery WILL NOT HAPPEN on the 31st creates a cascading waterfall of thoughts that collect in a giant turbulent whirlpool of emotions. The whirlpool is surrounded by palm tress to add some visualization for relaxation.
I’m combating my escalating levels of anxiety by keeping myself busy, focusing on wrapping things up with a few of my clients, putting my consulting projects on hold, while getting other projects to a point where I and let go of them for a while. I am as well as watching mindless TV and reading.
Like a NASCAR driver five (5) laps from winning their first race who suddenly feels a loose wheel or senses that the engine is about to blow, I am damn near paranoid that something will get in the way of me having surgery on the 31st.
As far as the surgery goes, I have the easiest part, I will be asleep through most of it. Once I get on the other side of the surgery and recovery starts, I’m back in control. Or so I think. Post surgery, my recovery and my return to an active and adventure-filled life is all in front of me and within my reach. That’s where I want to get. The other side of the surgery. But I have to have the surgery first.
Getting to the surgical date of January 31st, getting to the hospital, getting prepped, and being wheeled in for the big event, well that’s my gauntlet. Occupying myself with activities, intentionally and deliberately planned activities, will help me get through this gauntlet so that I can enter that operating room mentally, physically, spiritually prepared.