Next time you have an issue in your relationship(s), which drives you to become frustrated, annoyed, angry, furious, or even enraged ask your self this question:
WHAT is the PROBLEM?
Do not ask….
WHO the fuck has messed up my life, NOW?
OR
WHY the fuck is (fill in person’s name) fucking with my fucking life?
People are not problems. People are people. They are players in our narrative. Characters. We don’t control them yet we do control our thoughts and responses to people/characters in our narratives and the shit they do.
Problems are problems and the sooner we can focus on the problem the happier, healthier and more functional we will be.
So, consider, the next time your are angry, enraged, furious….
WHAT is the PROBLEM?
Because your kids, wife, boss, neighbor, mother, brother, asshole in the car in front of you, jerk ordering twenty (20) coffees at Starbucks are not your problem. Something else is the problem and you are using the people/characters in you life to rid yourself of the hurt and/or fear that the problem is creating.
So get healing. Find the actual problem.
The Bob Zima Blog 