Getting Negative

I have noticed that I am getting more and more negative in my thinking and also in some actions.

Not sure why. Which not only perplexes me it also pisses me off.

I have become aware that I usually expect the worse outcome when out and about living my life. Case in point. Picture this, a man with his family visiting Las Vegas for the weekend is sitting at a UNLV Rebels football game when he suddenly realizes that the game may go into overtime. The man and his family have tickets for Cirque du Soleil and the time between the game and the performance is shrinking. His mind begins to wonder. He begins to imagine all of the reasons he and his family will not make the show on time. He becomes anxious. He becomes agitated. He no longer is enjoying the game. He can no longer look forward to the performance. He is in the Twilight Zone of anxiety.

The game did not go into overtime. We had plenty of time between the game and the performance. We even stopped at a sports bar and had snacks and drinks before the performance. After the performance and once I returned to my hotel I reflected and noticed that I have been more and more negative in my thinking, anxious emotionally, agitated, verbally abusive, and a pain in the ass from a behavioral point of view.

Something must be going on. Has to be.

But what?

I think, reflect, ponder and look inward. Can’t pinpoint the possible souce of my almost automatic negative view of the world and corresponding emotional and behavioral responses.

Past trauma? Could be. Fear of dreams failing to materialize? Possible. Just a funk? Maybe.

Either way, pain from my past, struggles with an existential reality or just some kind of Uptown funk could all be answers. Key here is that I need to step up my Psychological Fitness skills to manage this new wave of whatever it is until I can get a better handle on it.