At the end of the day, everything we do, all of our behaviors or actions, are about: Getting OUR Needs Meet. No matter what the need, you fulfill those desires using behaviors. Those behaviors are often used when connected to a person, place of thing.
Flew in from Vegas yesterday. I had a need to get to my home studio and work; so I connected with a plane (thing), flight crew and passengers (people), and my home town (place). I flew (action), watched a movie (action), drove (action), interacted with my wife on the plane (action), and unpacked (action)…..you get the idea.
When we try to understand why it is or what it is that we we do or say to get our needs met, we need to look in the mirror. When wondering why you did or said what you did or said, ask yourself this one simple question:
What Did I REALLY WANT When I Said or Did What I Said or Did?
Most of us can, if we work hard enough at it, identify what it is we wanted when we said or did what we said or did. Saying that out loud is often another story. Knowing what it is you want is step one in finding good mental wellness. Without knowing what the hell YOU want and/or need you are shooting arrows in the dark, with a blindfold on, and, oh yeah, those targets are behind big trees and facing backwards.
Therefore, if you want better mental wellness, if you want to develop psychological fitness skills and you want to enjoy your life, know what the hell you want and need from your connections (i.e. relationship) and how those connections will help you get what the hell you want and need though interactions that required your behaviors.
It helps if your behaviors are effective and healthy!