Anger is a set of behaviors that can include yelling, kicking, fighting, drinking, drugging, cheating and so on. Any word ending in ING is a verb and behaviors are verbs.
Everyone uses anger behaviors at one time or another because we have learned that they “work.”
Anger behaviors can be justified, are usually rationalized and are always authentic and genuine. Anger is the one behavior people do not “fake”.
When we say, “anger is an emotion”, we are referring to the emotions of hurt and fear. Anger is the sound of hurt and fear leaving our souls.
When we say we “feel angry” we are “feeling” the automatic emotions our thoughts are driving and the physiological affects of the Flight/Fight/Freeze Response, which is our body physically preparing to run or kick somethings/someone’s butt.
You cannot control emotions; they are automatically fueled by thoughts. However, you can choose how you interpret the world around you. This is called a coping skill.
Behaviors, including anger behaviors, express our thoughts and emotions while also trying to fulfil our needs for connectedness or autonomy or recognition.
We can choose the behaviors that express our thoughts and emotions and fulfill needs. That choice is then be evaluated, by us and others, as being either effective/ineffective and healthy/unhealthy. Ineffective and unhealthy behaviors destroy lives.
When a behavior effectively communicates our thoughts and emotions AND fulfills our needs, we continue to use it remains effective. Anger behaviors are usually effective just not healthy for us and our relationships
Ending anger behaviors comes when we heal our hurt and fear triggered as we interpret the world around by using good coping skills while choosing to respond to life situation by using behaviors that we evaluate as effective and healthy.